It was so kind of you to stop at that dealership in Newburgh and buy me that newfangled automobile for our anniversary. But, dear George, you also promised me a new road for such use. I believe you called it “blacktop.” How’s your horse, Blueskin? Did it go lame yet from the muddy, snow-ridden, rutted Old Albany Post Road in Garrison? I know you miss ol’ Nelson, who went blind from the dust storms of the old dirt roads on Indian Brook … I miss that rascal, too! Gunshot wound? We know the truth …
But, back to me and our good neighbors … I did take my vehicle out for a spin and it sure did! I spun out real good on that parcel by the “Bird and Bottle” Inn. That was too much for my timid heart, and oh, also for my neighbor who had her baby in the backseat. Thankfully, Baby was strapped in and didn’t come careening out the windshield. I was stuck real good in the foot-deep trenches of mud and slush and would have called for help, but you need to get me one of those things they call a cellphone … maybe for Valentine’s Day?
So, dear George, could you use your substantial influence to provide the safety and practicality of that “blacktop” you promised? It would thrill me to pieces and a few other hundreds of folks who like safe travelin’. Yes, there will be those rough riders who like to speed at any cost, but it sure beats the rough roads, ruined axles and accidents that we all have to suffer with, for the few that are just pure idiots and will do their dirty deeds, dirt roads or not. Not to mention, maybe saving the taxpayers in the long run for all of the maintenance these well-traveled roads constantly require, to no avail.
Oh, and before I forget, I heard about these new things called dentures and implants, so for our next anniversary, you can get rid of those troublesome “seahorse” teeth and get something modern and comfortable. You deserve it!
All my love,
Maryann and Richard Syrek