Natalie Diggins, who lives in Philipstown, is the author of The Autistic Adult’s Toolbox.
You were diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder — specifically Asperger’s Syndrome — as an adult. What did people think of your behavior before your diagnosis?
When I was growing up in California, I was considered a behavioral problem. I would ask a question in class and if the answer didn’t make sense, I would raise my hand again and again. I genuinely wanted to learn. Teachers thought I was seeking attention. I had self-soothing techniques such as going “whoop, whoop.” These “stimming” behaviors are common among neurodivergent people. My teachers thought I was acting out. I was regularly suspended and frequently in detention. I was baffled by what I did wrong. At the time, people assumed girls didn’t get Asperger’s.
How did you behave as an adult?
Through my 30s, people thought I was rude, too direct and too honest. A relative had a baby and said, “Isn’t he the cutest baby?” I said, “No, actually he’s kind of an ugly baby. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be cute.” She was so offended. It’s embarrassing. I know better now. But I always thought that if my motivation was pure, people would want honest, direct feedback. I didn’t know that in that circumstance, I wasn’t supposed to be so brutally honest. About 15 years ago, I went to therapy and asked, “What is wrong with me?”
Why did you write this book?
As a technology executive, I work on systems and processes and optimization. I’m constantly troubleshooting technology and platforms. Several years ago, I started bringing that approach to learning how to manage my neurodivergent behaviors. I started creating and writing out processes and tools to guide how to handle life situations. I wanted to share these tools. I have chapters on building a sensory diet that keeps you balanced, managing yourself when going into sensory overload, getting along with a neurotypical spouse, deciding when to tell people you’re autistic, succeeding in social gatherings, conducting business meetings, serving on jury duty. My chapter on how to work with doctors came from my experience having minor surgery. I wrote a letter to the doctor setting expectations. One of my most popular chapters is “Building Friendships That Work for You (And Your Friends).” My neurotypical friends like that one.
Can you explain your approach to going to a restaurant?
Autistic people want to participate in life in a way that is comfortable. Restaurants are an example. Loud restaurants often have too many stimuli. That can put me into sensory overload, where I shut down and eventually wind up in the fetal position. I used to wear headphones to block out the sound. The problem is that the headphones block out life. Now, I wear noise-canceling earbuds. I can hear the people I’m dining with without most of the surrounding noise.
What has the reaction been to the book?
I’ve gotten so much feedback, especially from people who love their autistic family members. One woman told me she has two people in her family who are autistic, and she had no idea what they were going through. If they had outbursts or said things that were rude, she thought they didn’t want to be around her. A friend told me that she had no idea how to communicate with her autistic brother. Another man told me he bought books for his coworkers because their boss is on the spectrum. These stories are all incredibly touching, because people want to support us and they didn’t know how.
